I am probably one of the last ones to read it.
I have been putting it off because I know how it begins.
Now that I have my own kids, I do not like to hear, read or see anything that has to do with horrible acts against children. I don't like thinking about it. I know it happens, there is evil out there. But hearing it, seeing it, reading about it makes me think about my own precious children and "what if.....". I don't like going down that road, so I choose to go down it as little as possible.
I know that I am not in control, God is.
I know that I can only protect my children so much.
I know that even though I love my children with every fiber of my being that God loves them even more.
I would like to think that "if" something terrible happened to my children I would be able to rest in His love, but really I don't like to ponder that "what if." I would rather deal with that "if" it really happened.
So, I have put off reading this book.
But my mother wants it back, so I have forced myself to begin.
It is good.
I knew that it would be.
Too many people have said "they LOVED it!.
I knew the book did not ponder over The Great Saddness.
I knew it was mainly about the main characters relationship with God and how it became stronger because of this tragedy.
Because so many people said they wanted to re-read the book, I thought I would take my time the first time and ponder over some of the many thought provoking parts of the book.
Here are my thoughts over Chapter 6.
I like how some of the comments make you think about "how" I view God.
God shows up as an African American woman.
Some people have had a problem with this.
I thought the explanation of why was good.
"I am neither male nor female, even though both genders are derived from my nature.
If I choose to appear to you as a man or woman, it's because I love you. For me to
appear to you as a woman and suggest that you call me Papa is simply to mix metaphors,
to help keep your from falling so easily back into your religious conditioning." p. 93
The point is not that God appears as a woman or an African American woman, the point is God appears to us in a way that we will desire to embrace Him, want to draw near to Him, will want to know more about Him. That looks different for every person. How easy we do fall back into our religious conditioning. The God we serve is so much bigger than that!
I liked the conversation about freedom on p.95
Does freedom mean we are allowed to do whatever you want to do?
So many people THINK that is what freedom means.
Yet, those people are the ones who are so lost and empty.
What is freedom really?
"Only [God] can set you free, ... But freedom can never be forced."
Freedom is an INCREMENTAL process.
We don't fully comprehend that.
Often we feel like freedom happens in one swift act.
One moment we are in bondage and the next minute we are free.
Isn't that what happens when we accept Christ?
But..."freedom is a process that happens inside a relationship with him [Jesus]. then all that stuff you feel churnin' around inside will start to work its way out."
So well put.
We cannot truly be free until we have a relationship with Christ.
And a relationship is a process.
It takes time.
It must be culitvated.
It must be maintained.
It must be two sided.
It must be geniune.
'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?'
I have not ever stopped to consider how Jesus' sacrifice cost God dearly.
"Love makes a significant mark" p. 96
We see it as God abandonding Jesus, abandonding us when we are in pain and don't understand, can't see Him.
But God NEVER abandons us, and He did not abandon Jesus. He NEVER left him and never left us.
But when all we can see is our pain, we do lose sight of Him! p.96
We often say we are looking for Him, yet all we see is ourselves, our pain, our saddness.
We are human and in the midst of terribleness I think often it is impossible to SEE anything else.
But it is a comfort to know, deep down, when we are in the pit wondering how much further we can sink and it is all consuming, GOD is there, He will NEVER leave us or forsake us. It is us who does the leaving and forsaking.
The good news, that is not how the story ends.
It does not end with Jesus feeling forsaken by God.
Jesus found his way through it to put himself COMPLETELY into Gods hands. p. 96
Oh, what a moment that was!
That is the difficult part, the COMPLETELY part.
It makes me think of the hymn, "None of Self and All of Thee."
"None of Self and All of Thee"
Oh, the bitter pain and sorrow
That a time could ever be,
When I proudly said to Jesus,
“All of self, and none of Thee.”
All of self, and none of Thee,
All of self, and none of Thee,
When I proudly said to Jesus,
“All of self, and none of Thee.”
Yet He found me;
I beheld HimBleeding on th’ accursed tree,
And my wistful heart said faintly,
“Some of self, and some of Thee.”
Some of self, and some of Thee,
Some of self, and some of Thee,
And my wistful heart said faintly,
“Some of self, and some of Thee.”
Day by day His tender mercy,
Healing, helping, full and free,
Brought me lower while I whispered,
“Less of self, and more of Thee.”
Less of self, and more of Thee,
Less of self, and more or Thee,
Brought me lower while I whispered,
“Less of self, and more of Thee.”
Higher than the highest heaven,
Deeper than the deepest sea,
Lord, Thy love at last has conquered:
“None of self, and all of Thee.”
None of self, and all of Thee,
None of self, and all of Thee,
Lord, Thy love at last has conquered:
“None of self, and all of Thee.”
It is Jesus' love that changes us and allows us to COMPLETELY put ourselves into Gods hands.
Why I struggle with that so much is a wonder to me.
I know how much better things will be if I would allow it.
But I often allow the selfish desire with in me to overpower Christ's love.
it is detrimental I know.
It is stupid, I know.
It is absurd, I know.
Yet, I know and still fail miserably, over and over and over.
And I have a relationship with Christ.
How much more difficult must it be for people whose relationship with Christ is not on the best of terms.
"We were created to be loved... to live as if you were unloved is a limitation..." p. 97
"Living unloved is like clipping a bird's wings and removing its ability to fly. Not something [God] wants for you." p.97
"..pain has a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly...if left unresolved for very long, you can almost forget that you were ever created to fly in the first place." p.97
I can think of others, many others, who have had to bear much pain.
Amber Dayton's friend Jenny. Husband diagnosed with rare, inoperable cancer that will eventually take his life at an early age leaving her a widow with two small children.
The Brown's whose 16 yr old son fell asleep while driving, had an accident that flipped the car and killed their 7th grade son, whose was wear a seat belt.
My friend Chantelle Read who lost a baby at 24 weeks.
My cousin, Stacie, whose firstborn died of SIDS.
My own father-in-law, whose father died of a massive hear attack when he was a young boy and he spent the rest of his childhood in foster care.
The list is endless.
I can think of many others.
Any pain that I have experienced really does not compare.
I know I have been blessed.
I know there is a great possibility that one day I will have a pain that could be similar.
I know pain can be crippling.
I know that pain can be unending.
But I like the comfort of being reminded that is does not have to go on being unresolved.
We think the pain should go away completely for us to be whole, for us to be able to fly again.
I don't think God expects that.
The pain will always be a part of us.
It is ok for it to not go away completely.
But we can resolve the pain.
We can fly again.
The pain can be a part of us, but not a limitation.
"The problem is that many folks try to grasp some sense of who I am by taking the best version of themselves, projecting that to the nth degree, factoring in all the goodness they can perceive, which often isn't much, and then call that God. And while it may seem like a noble effort, the truth is that it falls pitifully short of who I really am. I'm not merely the best version of you that you can think of. I am far more than that, above and beyond all that you can ask or think." p. 98
Beyond all that you can ask or imagine.
What limits we place on our view of God.
His goodness is unfathomable, yet we try to fathom.
His grace and mercy is uncomprehendable, yet we try to comprehend.
His love is beyond measure, yet we try to measure.
We want to know God, yes we desperately want to know Him.
So much so that we use our limited knowledge and resources to create in our minds a God that we can comprehend and grasp.
We fall so short.
In our creation we limit God and how He is able to work in our lives, how His love is able to permeate our hearts, how His glory is able to be seen through us.
It is a good thing "every human is designed to live - out of [God's] life." p.100
God wants others to see His life in ours.
I am grateful that we are not defined in God's eyes by our limitations, but by the intentions God has for us; not by what we seem to be, but by everthing it means to be created in God's image. p.100
What a comfort.
I have been created IN HIS IMAGE.
You have been created IN HIS IMAGE.
I need to stop seeing the limitations in my own life and in the lives of other and focus on HIS image in me and those around me.
"Love is not the limitation; love is the flying. I am love." p.101
I am so grateful that God is love!
